How to control the tongue: Biblical wisdom for everyday life

Learning how to control the tongue is a key part of living a life that honours God. Our words have incredible power – they can uplift, encourage, and bring life, but they can also hurt, mislead, and destroy. As Christians, we are called to reflect Christ in all aspects of our lives, including how we speak.

The Bible offers a wealth of guidance on this topic, with Proverbs 21:23 clearly stating, “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.” This simple truth reminds us that knowing when to speak and when to remain silent is crucial for a peaceful and righteous life.

Key moments when the Bible advises us to control the tongue

In the heat of anger

Proverbs 14:17 warns us about the dangers of speaking in anger. Often, when we don’t control the tongue in moments of anger, we end up saying things we regret. Taking time to cool down before speaking helps avoid words that can harm relationships.

When you don’t have all the facts

It’s important to be fully informed before offering opinions or advice. Proverbs 18:13 says it is foolish to respond without having all the details. By choosing to control the tongue when we lack complete information, we prevent misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict.

When you haven’t verified the story

The Bible encourages us to refrain from spreading rumours or unverified information. Deuteronomy 17:6 instructs us to seek truth before speaking. When we don’t control the tongue and spread gossip or falsehoods, we risk causing harm and confusion.

When your words may offend a weaker brother

In 1 Corinthians 8:11, we are reminded to be mindful of how our words might affect others, particularly those who are weaker in their faith. Practising self-control and choosing silence can protect others from unnecessary offence.

When your words reflect poorly on Christ

Peter 2:21-23 encourages us to consider how our speech reflects on our testimony as Christians. Controlling the tongue means avoiding harsh, bitter, or careless words that misrepresent Christ’s love and truth.

When tempted to joke about sin

Proverbs 14:9 warns against making light of sin. Controlling the tongue means avoiding jokes or remarks that make light of behaviours or actions that grieve the Holy Spirit.

When your words may lead to regret

Proverbs 8:8 reminds us that integrity in our speech is essential. If we know we’ll regret our words later, it’s a clear sign to pause and control the tongue before saying something we can’t take back.

When you’re tempted to make light of holy things

Ecclesiastes 5:2 advises us to speak carefully, especially when discussing sacred matters. A key part of learning to control the tongue is speaking with reverence about God and holy things, rather than being careless in our speech.

When your words might create a wrong impression

Proverbs 17:27 encourages us to choose our words wisely. When we don’t control the tongue, we may mislead others or give the wrong impression. Clear and thoughtful communication is key to maintaining integrity.

When the issue is none of your business

Proverbs 14:10 encourages us to stay out of matters that don’t concern us. Sometimes the best way to control the tongue is by remaining silent, especially in situations where speaking up would only cause unnecessary drama.

When you’re tempted to lie

Proverbs 4:24 calls us to speak truthfully. Controlling the tongue means resisting the urge to lie or exaggerate. Speaking honestly and with integrity reflects our commitment to God’s truth.

When your words might damage someone’s reputation

Proverbs 16:27 reminds us of the harm caused by slander. When we choose to control the tongue, we prevent ourselves from contributing to gossip or tearing others down, preserving both their reputation and our own integrity.

When your words could destroy a friendship

Proverbs 25:28 highlights the importance of self-control in all areas of life, including our speech. Failing to control the tongue can destroy relationships, while thoughtful, kind words can strengthen friendships.

When you’re feeling critical

James 3:9 warns against the dual nature of the tongue, which can bless or curse. When we feel critical, it’s crucial to control the tongue to avoid speaking words that hurt, rather than heal.

When you can’t speak without yelling

Proverbs 25:28 advises against losing control in our emotions. If we find ourselves raising our voices in frustration or anger, it’s time to pause and control the tongue to prevent further harm.

When it’s time to listen

Proverbs 13:1 speaks of the wisdom in listening rather than speaking. Sometimes, the best way to control the tongue is by being quiet and allowing others to share their thoughts, rather than rushing to speak.

When you may have to eat your words later

Proverbs 18:21 warns about the long-lasting impact of our words. Controlling the tongue helps us avoid speaking words we’ll later regret or have to retract.

When you’ve already said it more than once

Proverbs 19:13 compares nagging to a constant drip. Repeating ourselves over and over can cause frustration, so it’s wise to know when to stop and control the tongue to maintain peace in relationships.

When you’re tempted to flatter a wicked person

Proverbs 24:24 warns against flattering those who do wrong. Controlling the tongue means avoiding flattery or words that endorse sinful behaviour, staying true to our values as Christians.

When you’re supposed to be working

Proverbs 14:23 reminds us that hard work brings profit, while idle talk leads to poverty. Speaking when we should be focusing on our tasks can be a distraction. Controlling the tongue ensures we stay focused on our responsibilities.

Learning to control the tongue is an essential part of living a life that honours God. Our words can either build up or tear down, bless or curse. Proverbs 21:23 sums this up perfectly: “Whosoever keepeth his mouth and his tongue, keepeth his soul from trouble.” By learning when to speak and when to remain silent, we reflect the wisdom of Christ and avoid unnecessary conflicts.

In a world that often encourages quick, careless speech, practising control over our words is more important than ever. Let’s be mindful of how we use our tongues, seeking always to speak in love, truth, and kindness.

Also read: The 7 astonishing ‘I Am’ statements of Jesus: exploring His divine identity

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